How much noise is in your life?
Why I Photograph
Dredging through my files I found this old video — a visualization of the kind of stuff I write about now only without a scooter as subject.
Back in 2000 I was in graduate school working on a degree in art and learning to explore my self and the things that motivate me. After a life of saying (and believing) “My work speaks for itself”, I was pushed to examine, explore, doubt and second guess everything I believed to be true. Or at least those things related to art and photography. I resisted at first but slowly came to realize the value in understanding what was driving me (or not).
In one class taught by a member of the painting faculty we were challenged to respond and react to a variety of ideas and questions using video — an attempt to expand our ability to think and talk about why we work. As I thought about photography I began to realize there was little motivation regarding beauty, light or form. What I found was a method to help strengthen my tolerance for noise — the demands of earning a living be one part of it.
I was doing this before I bought the Vespa scooter and started riding and blogging. But those things serve the same role now. Last night I was talking to my wife about this when she asked why I try to do so much. It’s not that I want to accomplish things — it really is a need to get the noise out of my head. It builds up, a nervous, sometime frenetic energy that just needs drained like a recurring boil. Nothing cosmic or romantic — just a terrible aspect of how my brain works.
So the video is a quick reflection of the sort of thing I write about now on Scooter in the Sticks. We usually had three days to make a video. Was sort of fun. While classmates decided to use friends and actors in their videos I always chose myself. I’m always available, show up on time and don’t complain.
When I’m on a deadline and don’t want any additional aggravation — I ride alone.
You always make me think.
I’m just trying to make myself think more!
Todays post hits a little close to home. We even have the same work phone. This weekend there will be no ridging I have to take the scoot into the shop for transmission problems. I will have to find another way to decompress.
My phone at work never rings anymore. All calls are forwarded to my cell. I hate that ring…
Probably won’t ride this weekend. Have some maintenance to do on the Vespa, film to process, and three boatloads of chores around the house and garden. Sometimes I need to grow up…
Plenty of noise in everyone’s life. Defining it as that, and not something which leads one’s mind to enjoyable processing is definitely a necessary step in order to deal with it. Good post.
You know why riding is so enjoyable along with the photography that accompanies it? Both activities require/mandate your complete attention; the first because you can really hurt yourself by being inattentive, the second because the resulting photos’ quality will suffer.
You’re right about riding and photography demanding attention if you want to reach the goals you outline. I wish I could get to that place easier and without having to resort to those tools…
Earning a living is reality
Reality is the gadfly for many things…creativity can be one.
Marrying the 2 is a universal aspiration.
Your video suggests your heart attack may have been stress related.
Ride on to your next healthy creative image…add a bicycle too.
Maintain the mainframe.
AND….Figure out how to share your new “film” images…digitally…please
While there was stress in my life I think my lifestyle was more to blame. I’ve never really shared that story. Something for the future.
The bicycle is in the garage. One of these days… Walking, an elliptical machine and free weights are my go to exercise experiences. So far so good.
Not to worry — I’ll share anything done with film.
What Dom said. I will add that riding and photography each involve degrees of artfulness.
Riding is more artful than driving, for instance choosing lines in curves, picking a path through congestion, balancing in tight manoeuvres, and otherwise keeping the rubber on the road.
For you and I riding might be more artful than driving a car but I swear I’ve seen riders who don’t seem to pay much attention at all. And drivers who are artful as well. A car is a dangerous machine and should demand the same respect that a rider has for a motorcycle or scooter. We each bear responsibility for ourselves and our choices.
Stands up well.
Well, I look older now.
“When I’m on a deadline and don’t want any additional aggravation …”
My first thought, with tongue in cheek:
You have avoided the grim reaper and he is still stalking you.
Second thought perhaps more real:
you “now” realize you’re on the down slope of life, and
want to get everything completed before the grim repear calls.
Neither or both maybe? Certainly more aware of the clock than ever…
That video…is great.
There’s been a lot of “noise” in my life, and the last decade and a half or so have been a process of parsing the counterproductive or “negative” noise from the useful kind (I’m sorely tempted to use the word “signal”, but it’s not scanning just right). Part of that happened by chance: the 9-to-5 world decided to give me the boot and didn’t want me back, casting me into the slippery world of the freelance life, where “regimen” is a kooky concept. No longer bound strictly by the clock, but still in need to pay the rent and bills, I started dealing with another form of noise altogether, but when things were going well – which they sometimes were – I could dial that noise down to at least a low roar. However, since the hat I wore (still, wear, in fact) is Independent IT Guy…which is why those relentless clips of login screens and sounds of rapid-fire keystrokes strike a big nerve here. Life seemingly can’t be noiseless, but…
Getting on the bicycle, when I still lived in Gotham, was and is a great re-centering process: next-to-no bells or whistles, just pedals and gears and, absent of other noises (rare), just the sound of tires whooshing along pavement. Very zen, reasonably healthy (traffic hazards notwithstanding), and overall just a cool way to get around. Now, having crossed over the Hudson as a newly-minted suburban lad (and bringing its own quietude), I’ve added the Vespa, offering the same effect, enhanced by an engine, greater velocity, broader horizons. and relatively little “noise” of its own. (“Soft pipes salve minds.” There, I said it.)
And, back to photography: one of the reasons I decided to stick with film is that the cameras I use, even the most modern, don’t wear their tech on their sleeve. This goes beyond not having to deal with staring at a screen, although that is a bit deal all by itself. The photographic process feels more direct, less-mediated, quiet, and I’m more likely to fall into a creative rhythm, which doesn’t happen easily when working digitally somehow. Since working again with film, initially with my little Contax, I’m almost shocked at how wonderfully elemental it all is. I know what to expect from the film I use…I just load the camera with it, and away I go. This…is fun.
I used to freelance a lot on top of a full time job — back when I was young and energetic. The extra money was nice but I could never pull the trigger on making it the focus of my like and walking away from being an employee. Never had the courage. Some regrets.
When I was managing more people the clatter of the keyboard was intense. At the time of making the video I was in the middle of a mess of projects and people and am glad to be in a different place now. Pre-Vespa but I was using a view camera and slowing way down.
Finished a roll of film and when I’m feeling better i’ll be in the darkroom. I’m anxious to see how that feels after a few years away from the dark…