Clearing the Mind
Being alone is the only reliable way I’ve found of clearing my mind. It may take place in a chair by the window in my office, on a walk through the woods with the dog, or on a ride on my Vespa scooter. The common connection is that I am by myself, alone with my thoughts, and slowly unwinding whatever confusion, pain, or suffering I’m carrying.
For a long time, I saw the need for being alone as a defect in my character, some personal lacking reinforced by the messages from media, marketing, and society that implied the highest and best experiences take place with other people. And my choice to turn in a different direction seemed to be something for which to make excuses or hide. But eventually, I embraced the fact that I am an introvert and that I gain energy when I’m alone. And I see my energy drained in stimulating environments involving other people.
I’m not saying I can’t or won’t socialize with other people, but I require time being alone. And riding the scooter or motorcycle has provided a wonderful opportunity to accomplish it.
Lonely vs. Being Alone
I wonder sometimes if being alone is what drives people’s addictions to screens, doing almost anything to distract or distance themselves from direct contact with their thoughts. If one only stays busy you’ll never have to address how you actually feel. Not the superficial feelings like being hot, cold, tired, or angry. Rather those deeper, more existential feelings that line the path that wanders close to a dark abyss.
Growing up as an only child, before digital tools and toys, when the black & white television might capture two stations on a good day, and life indoors was such a bore that entire days were spent playing and exploring outside, I suspect I learned how to be alone. And there were friends, family, dogs, and schoolmates; I never felt lonely. At least not that I can remember.
So when I go for a ride on the Vespa, by myself, and in places with few others around, I’m animated by the experience of seeing the world, allowing my thoughts to slow, and the recharging of my emotional and psychological batteries.
And riding a scooter is so easy to do. Far easier than riding the motorcycle if only because of the relative ease and quickness it can be put on the road. And off I go for some much needed moto-therapy.
A Pandemic Asset
While riding has been and continues to have a wide range of therapeutic benefits for me, not to mention being a lot of damn fun, I’ve become aware over the last two years of how my penchant for being alone has had unlooked-for benefits during the forced or chosen isolation due to COVID-19. I’ve seen firsthand the anxiety that isolation can have on people, especially those who derive so much of their enjoyment and meaning from being with others out in the world. It’s strange to see how something important to living might become a hazard.
Like accepting an increased risk of harm while I ride, I understand how some accept an increased risk when making a decision to socialize. Life is all about choices.
Riding through the forest is satisfying. There’s much to see, and few vehicles to deal with. The Vespa is an adequate ride on these reasonably well-maintained roads, but there are many others that I don’t take. The solitude has me pondering a dirt bike. Just for a change of pace.
Touching Reality
A ride magically (I think) brings me in touch with reality. God knows that the past couple years have been something out of a dark, dystopian novel. And my own poor decisions to read things I shouldn’t, or watch things I shouldn’t, just churn a toxic mess of even darker thoughts and feelings. And when it gets bad, I walk out to the garage, push the scooter out into the darkness, and just go for a ride.
Somewhere along the way the clouds part, the sun rises, and I smell the coffee brewing. Strange I think of coffee when I can’t stand drinking the stuff though it smells heavenly.
So I can ride in any direction for any length of time, long or short, and find the restoration I need to wander through another moment. And all of it while being alone.
Stepping Briefly into the World
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve eaten inside a cafe over the past two years. This brief stop at Barnes & Noble on the way home was made thinking that the space was large with lots of air to dilute a virus, and the spacing of people was large as well. But it did creep me out a bit. My doctors continue to advise me to be super careful because of the suppression of my immune system by drugs and the fact that I’ve suffered a heart attack.
But I wanted a moment of normalcy so I stopped in for a short visit. Alone. By myself. A cup of tea, a pizza stuffed pretzel, and some old memories of longer times spent whiling away an afternoon in cafes.
I realize this post is rather dark, dense, heavy, and more for me than you. A weight I needed to shed from my brain. The connection to riding and scooters is forced at best as I meander through some cheap therapy.
I’m all better now!
Alone. What a wonderful state of being.
It is. But riding with others is a blessing as well. It will be the topic of my next post.
Happy to be of help!
Love your posts.
I feel as if I’ve gotten past a large boulder in my writing path. Hopefully, future pieces will flow a bit easier. A be a bit brighter!
Thanks Steve for sharing your inner thoughts and feelings as you roll along on your scooter.
Riding the scooter has a way of unbundling thoughts…
riding the north wind
down forest roads in search of
deepest solitude
A fine picture of the ride in the 5-7-5 form. Thanks for sharing.
“Doing almost anything to distract or distance themselves from direct contact with their thoughts.” Well put.
Being alone in my helmet on a long solo moto ride provides me with self perspective otherwise hard to find. I’ve even written done a few profound thoughts at the end of the ride.
As an only child I never had a problem being house-bound. I had my erector set and tinker toys, which I relished, as a budding engineer.
Alone in my helmet. What a great image Robert. Thanks for sharing that.
Like you, I had no trouble entertaining myself as a child with Tinker Toys, Erector set, Lincoln logs, and some sort of Kenner construction stuff. My parents were hoping I was heading toward being an engineer. That was their dream.
I like being alone with my thoughts on a ride but, as you’ve seen, I like doing the rides with others. When we stop conversing about what we saw, how our bikes are doing and generally shooting the bull makes for a good day. Since I’m retired I do a few daytime rides on the various machines. Somehow those solitary rides, while fun, are just not the same as a group ride. I enjoy watching the bikes around me, analyzing another’s technique and the dynamics of the machine they’re riding. Not that I also spend too much time in front of a screen but I do it for a different reason. There’s so much knowledge out there available at your fingertips. It’s so intoxicating to discover.
I do find it satisfying talking with others from time to time about machines. But I have never warmed to riding with more than one other person. Not that I’ve done it that often but the group rides I’ve been part of have mostly been miserable for me. I don’t want to have to pay close attention to riders around me.
You’re right about a lot of knowledge at your fingertips with the web. Man, I can go down learning rabbit holes!
I think many of us have had a great deal more time to ponder of late and as such figured out that we might have a bit of energy that could be redirected here and there to more beneficial effect? I view these ruminations as one of the upsides of this pandemic thing and start humming along to Monty Python’s “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” Temperate weather and being able to enjoy a therapeutic scoot doesn’t hurt either. Well, I’m off to clear the driveway. Thanks once again Steve for a pithy and provocative post. BTW … How can you not enjoy coffee when it smells so good?
Man, the moment I read your comment I could hear Eric Idle singing. I had to visit YouTube and had forgotten the imagery for that song. Monty Python is amazing.
I fear there is little temperate weather ahead for me here. Dry. But cold. I may try to get out again soon but when I stuck my head out the back door this morning into a heavy wind at 19F I just closed the door and came back inside. Not ready to ride in that.
Coffee. Why can it smell so good and taste so bad??
Touché eh!
Amazing post, Steve. I can certainly relate to all that you so beautifully expressed.
Thank you Steel for your kind words about the post. I appreciate them. And it was nice to see your name appear.
Thanks for the introspective post, Steve. And be careful of that SteverinoB… he drinks ‘foo-foo’ coffee!
Oh maybe once or twice a day though these days, mostly at home and I’m saving a bundle … LOL
Coffee seems to occupy an expansive role in your life.
A simple pleasure for these trying times is all and please keep us abreast of future developments re your Saints Cafe location.
A new coffee chain is going in. Small chain I think out of Philadelphia. I’ll let you know.
Thanks for reading it Jim.
Ok, you’ll have to explain what this “foo-foo” coffee is that SteverinoB is drinking.
Good question, Steve! I’m not 100% sure, but I think it’s some sort of addictive, fancy, left-wing, artsy-fartsy concoction that I don’t think has any real coffee in it. You’d have to ask SteverinoB to be sure, but I can tell you it’s not a real man’s coffee (haha)!
Jim, I think you’re confusing coffee with opium. Or maybe it’s the tiny cups Steve might be using! And that’s definitely not a real man’s drink. *grin*
Simply espresso Steve and preferably a double or as they would say in Pontedera, “doppio espresso por favore”
Ah yes. Paul Ruby indulges in such things. It follows his interest in all things Italian. His romance with Ducati. A Ferrari in the garage. And an Alfa Romeo in the driveway. And of course, a commercial Espresso machine in the kitchen.
Life happens and coffee helps and decent espresso helps just that little bit more. I have tried to tell Jim re coffee displacement “It ain’t the meat it’s the motion!”
It’s funny how I don’t see that until you point it out. That I like the Italian experience. I don’t necessarily seek out Italian stuff, it’s just when I stumble across something cool, its often of Italian origins. Example: Two weeks ago I went to Track and Trail Honda to look for stuff to sell on eBay and to look at motorcyles (it’s a hobby) and by the parts counter was a freaking 2020 Penagale! It’s spectacular! I’m not kidding it made my gonads rumble I would have bought it had I $20,000 in my pocket.
We often don’t see ourselves as others do.
Didn’t you have a Ducati Panagale already? The red one? I figured a Fiat is in your future!
Solitude is always preferred…
I know you understand. Though one may wonder if the term obsessive would need to be attached for your version of solitude!
Yep, it applies….
Sir, Awesome post that takes me away for a bit to things that make me feel better inside.. I believe the term is escape. Hard to escape negative thoughts these days when I too am a very careful about going inside lest I be bitten by the Rona… I know you write to gain some inner peace, but for us, it is well needed medicine… Stay Safe My Friend!
There are a lot of things chewing at me and the need to find a healthy escape is important. Riding is one of those avenues of escape. I’m glad that I can play a tiny role in helping you as well.
Until the world changes, be safe!
Well said Steve … I’d propose the title for the 2nd photo be, “Still life with Helmet” …
I enjoy the little tableaus I stumble upon. A helmet always improves them!
Steve, I enjoyed learning a bit what your childhood looked like and as I read your post I couldn’t help but reminisce about my own early experiences and friendships.
I, too, gain energy when I’m alone. And I can be quite content for a long time in that space until I become aware that a sort of depression has been growing. A brief visit with a friend or group activity seems to get me back on track, but admittedly I’ve never been great at getting the formula or the timing quite right.
I suppose the challenge is to become aware of where the line is between being alone and the creeping in of depression. I’m generally attuned to that but sometimes I get in a trance of isolation and need to reach out to others.
Thanks for the reminder!
I’m lucky I’m alone (not in a relationship). Because I have a ton more time for my friends and spiritual work and fun stuff. When I was in a relationship, much of my time was spent on relationship things.
It’s work to find a balance that makes sense.
Well, you’ve left a hell of a lot to chew on here…entirely in a good way, I’ll add.
As a kid, I did suffer bouts of loneliness, as while I had a handful of good friends, I wasn’t at all popular. This feeling pretty much ended when I got my first decent bicycle, and started taking surreptitious journeys throughout Manhattan in the mid-1960s. That heady sense of independence and wanderlust was amazing, and that thought of what I could do and where I could go, on my own, has stuck with me ever since. (Along with the on-two-wheels thing, of course.)
Having the Vespa in my life has been a boost in my life, both in large and very subtle ways. Even on days when, for one reason or another, I can’t ride, knowing the bike is there offers a reassuring contentment; I can get on with my life nicely otherwise,
And: Although I’ve mentioned it here before (I think): I still recall, relatively early in the pandemic when I dared venture into NYC for a client who desperately needed my tech assistance (taking the now-standard safety procedures, of course): after the gig, I was about to head out of an eerily-deserted midtown Manhattan in early evening when, at a stoplight, someone on a BV350 rode up and stopped beside me. We looked at each other, nodded, and fist-bumped. I lifted my visor and yelled, “Best ‘social distancing’ in the world!” And went our own ways. Still feel that way.
It’s strange, my parents allowed me to make journeys as a kid that parents might be arrested for now. At ten I was walking a few miles into town, getting on the bus into Pittsburgh, and spending the entire day exploring stores and other places.
And at 13 in Germany, my mother let me walk a mile to the train station and take a one hour train trip into Munich where I would wander around all day, barely speaking any German.
I think all of that has contributed to my wanderlust.
Vespa as a life boost! Absolutely.
Riding is a great social distancing activity, at least for those of us who ride alone.
I had the predecessor to the Panegale the 1198. That was corsa rosso (racing red)too. I had a yellow 1098 which is the same look as the 1198. Giallo in Italian.
I forgot about that yellow Ducati. You have had so many motorcycles!
And as you know, I have little expertise in identifying the various models of Ducatis and Harleys. I keep my life simple and confined to a little knowledge of what is in my garage.
There’s a multicolored 1198 at Kissels I saw last week. I have to try specifically not to buy another one of those and just remember why I sold 2. They are pretty but they go slow very poorly. Kissels has me looking at the Triumph from the Terminator movie. Josh didn’t call me back so I guess they passed on my offer.
You’ll find another cool motorcycle to add to your legacy.