Scooter Porn and Other Tales

Scooter Porn at Sunrise

A strong beam of sunlight sweeps across the landscape. The Vespa is paused along the road, engine running, heated grips growing warmer in the sub-freezing chill. Frost crunches underfoot as I walk across a pasture searching for the right composition for another portrait of my Vespa GTS scooter. Pulling off leather gloves to use the camera puts bare flesh to the cold metal body of my Canon G15 camera. Hands chill quickly until the composition and exposure are right and I make a photograph that feels like that morning on the road.

Scooter porn. I’ve become what my mother pleaded with me not to do when I told her when I dropped out of college that I was going to be a photographer — someone who shoots porn. And now it seems I’ve become a producer and purveyor of scooter porn.

I’d decided the previous evening that I was going for a ride in the morning because the weather forecast promised a high of 40 degrees. A fine day for a winter ride. But just a few miles from home I was already wondering when the bright sunshine would drive away the sub-freezing air.

Experiencing Gratitude

It’s impossible to express the gratitude I feel for finding myself with such easy access to roads and landscapes that support the meditative riding I seek. From the open agricultural lands to the forested mountains surrounding them, the opportunities to explore and lose myself are extensive.

Empty Roads

I did not see another person or moving vehicle for the first 17 miles of the ride. I can’t count how often I’ve stood along the road, looking at the landscape around me and saying a silent prayer, “Thank you.” Before I began to ride I was generally lost in or distracted by the noise and chaos of work and life. There was little if any appreciation or gratitude for what’s right in front of me.

Riding a Vespa scooter has opened a door of discovery that would otherwise have remained hidden. Gratitude is just one of those discoveries.

I pulled over into this church parking lot because I was cold and thought I would pull on another layer under my riding jacket. After spending a few minutes out of the wind blast I felt warm enough to continue on without adding more clothes.

Enjoying Winding Roads

I’m grateful I live in a place where the roads aren’t on a grid. So many winding ribbons of pavement crisscross the central part of Pennsylvania. They challenge my sense of direction and continually leave me feeling lost and confused. What a bore it must be to have no curves because everything runs is a straight line. It’s why I don’t use a GPS device.

White pines and winding roads spark thoughts of mythic rides. I could be anywhere. The struggle with the cold, one of the reasons I ride in the winter, is that it produces a strong sense of me against nature. It’s a survival jolt delivered genetically from ancestors who did struggle to survive. For me now, riding in the cold provides a physical and mental challenge to the spirit that I don’t often find otherwise.

On the mountain between Madisonburg and Lamar, dreaming, looking, acknowledging my body in the cold morning air and making scooter porn.

It’s good.

Watch for Ice

I slow down when I see the Watch for Ice signs when I’m riding in winter. In this area, the chance of water running across the road during snow melts in high. Fortunately there has been little snow this winter and the risk of that kind of ice is low. But any ice on a winding road is a problem and the only real way to manage it is to slow down.

Real slow.

Intelligent Adjustments Required

Riding in cold weather means paying attention in a different manner than warm weather. Risks emerge to the body in regard to keeping warm, and to the machine in terms of reduced traction. Ignore either at your own peril. Despite the sunshine, it did not seem to be getting any warmer. Riding along through field and forest you can feel the air get warmer and colder. Rivers of cold airflow down the mountainsides and at one point seemed so cold that I had to stop to warm the thumb of my right hand because it was painfully cold. The bar muffs and heated grips were not protective enough for me to be wearing my summer gloves. The intelligent move would have been to change to the heavier gloves in the top case.

I wasn’t that intelligent and continued on after massaging my hand for a few minutes.

Hello Officers

I pulled into the parking lot of the diner that I would be having breakfast. While removing my illegal foam earplugs a Pennsylvania State Police cruiser pulled up next to me followed immediately by a second. I quickly scanned back through the past five miles of travel and couldn’t recall speeding or anything else. Two troopers stepped out of the first vehicle and a third from the other. Without hesitation, I smiled and said, “Hello officers.” They acknowledged the greeting, expressed their thoughts that it must have been a cold ride and asked how far I had ridden. After sharing “Boalsburg,” they headed into the diner.

What is it about police cars that get your heart pumping?

The Choke and Puke Diner

I first heard of this place last summer. Wasn’t sure I believed such a place really existed. But here it was, just a short 50 mile ride from home on a cold morning. I was hungry and had my usual scrambled eggs, home fries and toast. The food was straightforward and tasty.

I asked my waitress, who along with her husband owned the Choke and Puke Diner, how the name came to be. She said the diner has been there for a long time and that where her husband was little he and his family would eat there a lot. Within their family, they referred to it as the Choke and Puke. When he purchased the place a year ago he told his wife, “I’m going to call it The Choke and Puke Diner.”

I’m not sure if the name is a plus or a minus for marketing, but the food was good.

After I finished eating I went over to the table where the three State Troopers were having breakfast. I had a couple questions for them. The first, if they saw me riding the scooter in the snow, would they give me a ticket. They told me they might pull me over to warn me of the danger of riding in such weather, but I have the right to ride in the snow if I want to. We had a brief discussion of my riding habits but I don’t think I converted their thinking.

The second question concerned going through a red light when the scooter would not trigger the light to change. All three said they would probably pull me over. One said my attitude would affect whether I would be cited. And they all agreed that if I went to court that the judge would likely rule in my favor because they know motorcycles and scooters don’t always trigger a traffic light change.

So with that information I bid them farewell and headed off to cross another mountain.

No Winter Maintenance

I had planned to ride over a mountain to a state park and then on into the next valley on a road I had only ever seen on a map. Not far from town the road changed from asphalt to gravel and a little further on was the dreaded “No Winter Maintenance” sign. While there was a little ice here and there I was confident that limited snow and a lot of sunshine would make the trip easy.

Go No Further

On a little farther and around a bend and I come upon the road completely covered in ice. I got off the scooter and carefully picked my way along the edge of the road on foot for another 100 yards and realized I was done with this road. It’s hard to see in this picture but the road is covered edge to edge with solid ice.

When I got back to the Vespa scooter a 4WD pickup truck came down the road and stopped to warn me not to attempt going further. The farther up the mountain the worse is gets they told me. I needed no such warning and turned around to head for home. I’ve been on the ice before and have had my fill.

Smooth Riding

Next to no traffic, the temperature heading toward 40F, fed, watered and enjoying the ride, it was a near-perfect morning. The gravel and grit were for the most part gone and it was pleasant to feel the sunshine.

This is why I ride the scooter.

Amish Country

The concentration of Amish in this part of Pennsylvania is high but I was surprised to not see a single buggy on the road. I saw one Amish woman hanging laundry but for the most part, I was alone. Weirdly so. Few vehicles and even fewer people about. If my imagination was more active I might have thought a disaster had occurred.

Alas More Scooter Porn

I love seeing the scooter in these empty spaces. I love riding through them. I love being alone on the road. Perhaps the photos are scooter porn. And as many know, nothing is more boring than old porn. Hence the need on my part to produce more and more all the time.

This photograph echoes the feelings I had for most of the ride — a quiet, gentle experience in the lovely landscape of central Pennsylvania.