She said it would be a momentary discomfort…
A Pile of Gratitude
Other than the minutes I was actually having a heart attack these past few days are the worse I’ve felt in a long, long time. I knew something was different when the nursing staff donned masks and gloves to work on me — both at my family doctor’s office and at the hospital lab.
A nasal virgin, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I saw the long swabs in the technician’s hand. “You may find your eyes tear a bit” she said, before pushing the first toward my brain. First came the sense that it shouldn’t be there, then the acknowledgement that she reached the end followed by the simultaneous realization she was still pushing further as discomfort changed to a slight burn to a sharp pain.
“That wasn’t so bad.” she said as she readied the second. I understood now why she wore a mask — so I wouldn’t recognize her in public. A series of throat swabs were equally distressing. The encounter reminded me of conversations with riders who ventured out in the winter not fully understanding what they were about to encounter. I thought I was getting a blood test.
As much as I could the past few days, mentally straddling the real world and a netherworld, I’ve been thinking of the changes in my life the past few years. The medications in the photograph represent the sum total of medical science bearing down on me. Some I take daily to stay alive, some weekly to keep my body from chewing its joints apart, and others specific for the matter at hand. It’s stunning what they represent — I’m wearing out. And unlike a Vespa that wears out I can’t trade myself in. So my doctor and I keep tinkering like old mechanics to keep me running.
I’m grateful for the medical care I can access. The situation is just another event on the path that I need only accept and figure out what to do next. As I write my sinuses are just beginning to clear enough that I don’t have to breath solely through my mouth.
Silver Lining to Being Sick — Sort Of
There is a bright side to the sleeping and laying around — there’s been opportunities to dream. I’ve looked at and read about the new Fujifilm X-Pro2 Body Professional Mirrorless Camera
So no riding, just trying to recover before anything bad happens. I’m grateful to have the chance.
Why on earth would they stick a giant swab up that far?? Is it to help with sinuses? Sounds more like acupuncture… I don’t know if I’m sold on this getting older bit. My father is turning 60 this year, and he’s up for surgery next week to take care of a double hernia. Bodies break down, but minds can too. He’s done concrete his entire life, and I see him starting to crack physically and mentally because of new, imposed limits. It makes me realize that I’m beginning to fear the unknowns of life more and more. Is it still all about the journey when you’re done with your twenties? I think the definitions begin to change as pit stops slowly become destinations. Ah, anyway! It’s good to have the care available, and I really do hope you get better very soon. Dreams are a good medicine.
They said they needed to collect some virus samples from way up in where they gather and then test for influenza. If I were younger, didn’t have a history of sinus and respiratory infections, not immune surpressed and less than a year out from a heart attack none of this would have happened. Oh yeah, and 61 years old.
I used to think aging was about taking care of yourself, staying active, etc. While that’s part of it, for me, the bigger challenge spins around accepting that there is a cycle to life and aging and all it brings is inevitable — calling on me to take each moment and event as it comes, good, bad or whatever.
It’s weird how a mind works. When I think of myself I’m still in my twenties. It seems crazy that I’m over 60. But I’ve come to accept the falseness of that perception. I’ve not had surgery since the 1960s and memories of it still haunt me. The scent of ether can push me to near panic. I can understand your father’s reaction to facing surgery now. What I would want from my kids, “You’ll be fine dad”. Don’t want information or insight, just reassurance — real or imagined. That’s just me. Oh, and some statements about the motorcycle they are going to buy for me when I’m recovered….
Take care and thanks for commenting. I appreciate it.
I hope you are on the mend soon and the swabs help figure out the cause of your distress. Aging is not for the faint at heart, working where I do I see a lot of diseases that manifest in 50-60-70’s and in some cases speeding up the arrival to our ultimate final destination, its kind of depressing at times, but it makes me appreciate every moment.
I hear you Dar. I try not to have regrets but there are times when I regret not appreciating things earlier. Hopefully there are many more moments to come. And some on two wheels!
Steve,
Judging by your beautiful blog I think you live and enjoy life quite a bit! No regrets ever, I always look forward to seeing your posts. And yes heres to more 2 wheeled adventures!
First, thank you for the kind words about Scooter in the Sticks. It has been and continues to be a labor of love and one way I slow down enough to pay attention to life. Writing and photographing has always been an avenue to that end. Riding slowly is as well. Life is good, even amidst uncomfortable stuff, when I pay attention.
And soon I’ll feel well enough to ride I’m sure!
I certainly understand your thoughts,this from a man who has had a heart attack,TIA’s,Sugar et al all as a result of life choices.Taking 21 pills a day and everything was fine until last June when I had a slip and fall and ripped my quads from my knee and it was not properly found and repaired in Nov.15,rehab for 16 weeks and now just getting back on my scooters and feeling like my self.Hang in there and keep writing as I so enjoy your writings and photos
Sounds like you’ve had a challenging go of things for the past four months. I hope your recovery and return to the scooters continues to go well. And thanks for commenting — I think it’s important to listen to people’s struggles. So much of what I read about just about everything is sanitized and the gritty facts of living, especially with health and illness, are just swept under a rug. I don’t want to linger or wallow in them but it is helpful, to me at least, to learn of the resilience people experience in their lives.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll work at my own recovery so I can get back to the Vespa and writing and photographing a different experience!
Getting old is not for puss…….I’m sure you’ve heard that before. I am thankful for the exponential growth in medicine and cures that have accompanied my 70’s and now as I begin my 80’s. I understand that replacement parts are all the rage. Like wine and spirits the older, the better. Hope to see you soon on the Vespa telling me about places of solitude.
Replacement parts are the rage. My father-in-law had a hip replaced at 78 and a knee at 79. His only complaint was that he waited so long. Those replacement surgeries — while still serious because it is surgery — are remarkably refined and successful. Age doesn’t seem to matter either.
Life is definitely sweeter the older I get. In part because I’m more sensitive to time and such, but mostly because I am more able to experience things now than I was in my twenties or thirties. I’m not as big an asshole anymore and listen better….
I’ll apologize in advance for adding my information and insight. But as a person who also suffers from all kinds of allergies, sinus infections, repressed immune system and the like, acupuncture has helped me tremendously. Not cured everything, but made most things much more manageable.
I’m 41, almost 42. I still think of myself as 28. I’m sure at 52, 62, and 92 I’ll still think I’m 28. I still see a 28 year old in the mirror. That part might not still be the case at 92.
Hope you feel better soon and are able to get back on your scooter. As always, thanks for your blog.
Thanks for sharing. Like you — I don’t see my age in the mirror; even when I’m looking closely at the evidence to the contrary I still see a young man with nothing but potential and opportunity ahead. I often wonder what that’s about?
Acupuncture — I’ve not considered that. I confess a big helping of skepticism about anything unconventional in medicine for most of my life but my first visit to a chiropractor for a pinched nerve many years ago turned me into an instant believer. They don’t fix everything but have made many things more manageable. I’ll have to look into the acupuncture opportunities in State College.
I just read all the Posts,the last one mentioned Acupuncture which has been practiced for 100’s of years.Here in Canada,cannabis is all the rage with comments of curing every known illness to man and is presently legal to possess if Dr.approved(many new illness found).As a former and retired detective I can tell you 1st hand if it does not cure you you certainly will feel no pain;but,it too like Acupuncture has been around for years and for many years like cocaine,heroin et al was sold over the counter by Druggist for years until the Drug Lobby convinced the Law Makers of it’s harmful ways and then sold their Drugs instead.Perhaps our Grandparents were on to something years ago which we now are re-discovering. Just a Thought
Pennsylvania is drawing closer to a medical cannabis state. I think a lot of people are questioning the entire systems of laws and incarceration surrounding drugs. Certainly the costs. And looking back at the history you have to wonder about the forces that drive things in western society. I remember when my father was so sick from chemotherapy and nauseated someone suggested that I try to find him some cannabis to smoke. I remember him telling me at the suggestion that he didn’t want to become an addict. That fear also kept him from using pain medications when he clearly needed them.
You certainly have a unique perspective from law enforcement on all of this. I can’t help but wonder though if every rule and statute we have surrounding drugs is completely arbitrary…
Wow — that’s a long way from acupuncture!
Yesterday I was 30. Today I’m 60. Sometimes I wonder how in the hell that happened so fast – but otherwise I just press on one day at a time. And I continually remind myself that every day is a gift. That’s why they call it “the present”!
“The present”. That’s it! Riding certainly helps keep you there.
Hmmm, here “we” go again. The medical people tend to always have subjects upon which they may practice their trade.
Welcome to my world. Twenty-two pills in the morning, then test my glucose readings, then maybe a small breakfast based upon prior readings and oh yes, weight control. It never ends. Knock something odd into the schedule and the medical people are on to you real quick. Oh and in the evening, less pills but still over twelve. At age 70 in a few weeks, things happen; and those “things” happen more frequently after a major calamity, in my case Lupus (which has a habit of returning time and again,) cancer, Celulitus) and in yours, heart attack and the related problems.
Interesting about the sinus-based swabs, and given the nasty things floating out there, mask and gown for sure. I suffer from MRSA, which means every time I go to the local hospital for anything, cap, mask and gown for the attendents. And yes, MRSA can be quelled, not killed. Like weeds in your front lawn it keeps returning.
Maybe you’ll soon be back functioning, again or this latest malady will lay you low for a bit more yet. Let us hope not.
You’re right about how adding something new to the mix gets the medical trade churning. What surprised me most was the weight of this latest flu on me. I seem to remember recovering much quicker in the past which is probably true. Only the past I’m thinking about might be twenty years ago.
I try and keep the medications straight and ask the pharmacist about interactions but I can see how fast that could become near impossible with a lot of medications.
Getting to the point now where I am thinking of returning to some sort of routine regarding time, sleep, diet, exercise, etc. Not there yet but soon…
Man that’s a lot of pills….
Hope you’re back up and Vespa ready soon Steve. Thanks for the recent advice, am trying to “grok it”.
Well, once I’m better about four of those bottles will go away…
The Vespa is standing silent in the garage. Not ready for it yet physically but I’m itching to go for a ride.
Grokking is fun!
The nurses moment makes me think of passing my first kidney stone. I was in a children’s clinic in Mexico and the only thing I could understand as the nurse inserted the catheter was “no hurt” I was whimpering and in my mind I begged to differ.
In 2 weeks I turn 58, in one I go to see an Orthopedist about a chronic hip pain. Who is that old fart I see in the mirror every morning?
The guy in the mirror can be a pain in the backside. He is often a loose cannon and doesn’t think things through.
Hope you have a good meeting with the orthopedist and the hip pain.
If it makes you feel any better, or at least in company, I’m about to have another body part removed. More about that when I see you.
We’ll cross paths somewhere soon. Hope things go well for you.
Good afternoon Steve.
Sorry to hear that you are still having issues related to your heart and other bodily organs. As a woman once told me: GROWING OLD SUCKS. I guess it does and depends upon your outlook on life here in this temporal world as well as there in eternity.
Many years ago, a dear Aunt of mine had a stroke which left her paralyzed on one side of her body. She said to me from her bedside: DON’T GET OLD KARL. While I believe I understood the context for her words of advice, as I thought about it I realized that there is nothing that I can do about it except to: GROW OLD GRACEFULLY. Ministering to many seniors in Florida a number of years ago taught me how to do that. I had lots of good mentors.
About two years ago I had partial knee replacement surgery. Out of work for 2 and 1/2 months in rehab. It taught me a lot about taking life one day at a time and one step at a time. Some things you just cannot rush. It takes time to heal.
One of the courses that I took to earn my doctorate was titled AGING. One lesson that I learned and never forgot was a statistic: ONLY 5% OF ALL SENIORS OVER THE AGE OF 65 ARE IN NURSING HOMES. THE REST ARE STILL LIVING IN THEIR OWN HOMES AND MAKING SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE COMMUNITIES IN WHICH THEY LIVE. That was most encouraging and indicative of living a healthy life-style like eating correctly and getting sufficient healthy rest and exercise. One of the texts in the courses was: SUCCESSFUL AGING by The MacArthur Foundation Study. (John W. Rowe, M.D.; Robert L. Kahn, Ph.D.)
Thanks for keep us abreast of what is going on in your life so that we know what to include in our prayers in your behalf.
Let it be encouraging that I am 71 and still riding my Vespa whenever I can.
Karl
“Don’t get old.” I suppose the only way you can avoid that is to die. Aging is part of living. As I think of why I write posts for Scooter in the Sticks I know a big part of it is aging. Not to complain or bemoan the obvious, but to embrace the process, and like you say, accept it gracefully. Probably a lot of people think that means to shut up and not talk about it but I’ve come to realize there is a lot of delusion surrounding aging, avoidance of the subject and a cultural dismissal of it’s ramifications.
I appreciate your comments — the information from your graduate work helps keep things in perspective. And thanks for your prayers. I have much to be grateful for.
Be safe on the Vespa. Hopefully in a few days I’ll be on mine again!
From time to time I also find myself acting like an old man. I used to be a gazelle, now I feel like a giraffe. Getting down on my knees requires way too much thought and planning, and getting back up again is truly an awkward feat.
Our bodies are starting to suck but… we are wise Steve! Wise, wily, and witty! And that means we can entertain.
As undignified and uncomfortable as your predicament may have been, your account of it made me wince, smirk and chuckle, even as I know, too well, that where you lead, I am following.
So bring on the masked swabbers! We will make mirth and live on to hobble another day!
Gazelle to giraffe — that’s an interesting observation. I’ll have to think awhile to come up with a pair like that for myself. I know I’ve never been a gazelle!
So far (this illness aside) the only physical challenge I face is heights — no longer deal well with them. But I can still get down on my knees and move around. I don’t leap up as quickly but I can still do it. And I watch my back more. Don’t try and wrestle three hundred pound rocks around in the garden by brute force anymore.
But I’m with you and am ready for the masked swabbers. Onward and hobble another day!
The mask so you won’t recognize her in public. LOL! I love your skill with words. I have never heard of the giant nostril swab either. Ugh. Glad you’re feeling better.
I’m only 49, think I’m still in my 20s, don’t regret aging, but also struggle to understand what it all means. I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last few years, and about others. I hope I have many more years on this Earth, but if not, I’m happy with my life and lucky in many, many ways.
Definitely feeling better but not running on all cylinders yet.
Understanding and meaning are fickle goals and can lead to big doses of frustration and anxiety — for me at least. Even so I find myself pursuing them at times for no good reason.
Instead I’m trying to experience the moments without questioning so much anymore…