Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.— a passage from Dylan Thomas’s poem “Do not go gentle into that good night”.
If you spend much time alone on the road your mind will wander into the weeds. It’s messy, you can’t see where you’re going, and things stick to you. Despite being considered recreational vehicles, I’ve found riding scooters and motorcycles stimulate curative powers for the soul. On a nice line through a sweeping curve, a smooth rise over the crest of a hill, or a walk through a field you’ve decided to explore and suddenly you meet yourself on the road.
New Year’s day — a cold ride with the temperature hovering at the freezing point made worse by a brisk wind that kept the ride going when you stopped never allowing the typical feeling of warmth when the air stops pounding. Walking through the remains of volunteer weeds in a fallow field I stand face-to-face with the fears and joys of the past year and a heckling self pointing out the challenges ahead.
Sometimes I wish I were still sleeping through life.
A Vespa is not particularly well suited for wet, muddy roads — particularly with street tires which turn mud into something akin to slush covered ice. There’s no compelling reason to be on that track. It’s just the kind of place you end up when the rules and “should”s are left behind. I want to believe everyone comes to understand Thomas’s poem about dying and death at some point in their life. I only wish I embraced the meaning long ago.
I heard an interview with poet Patricia Jabbeh Wesley where she described how she survived the Liberian Civil War and used that experience to survive cancer. In both cases she credited a strong belief that she would survive as keeping her alive. While I don’t believe a person can will themselves to beat an illness like cancer I think there is a lesson in being aware of the desire to live, and live strongly, or as Thomas would write, “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
I should note right now — I’ve met people who believe people do control the outcome of their disease — diet, exercise, prayer, whatever and when they don’t survive somehow they didn’t try hard enough. That blaming victims for not trying hard enough, of not doing all they should do with a disease, or anything else for that matter, is evil in my book. No one can know what another suffers. People need your love, not your criticism or judgement.
As I embrace the days ahead I want to burn and rave at the close of the day. Good or bad, they are magic and will never come again.
I made my (nearly) annual pilgrimage to State College, Pennsylvania to see the First Night ice sculptures on Allen Street. Those blocks of ice have been transformed into forms and ideas and represent the ephemeral nature of things — here today, gone tomorrow.
And there was an ulterior motive at work — a late lunch at Panera and a chance to warm up.
Families build memories one iPhone picture at a time. And build traditions. I’ve become a better observer since I started riding, not just on the road but of life in general. Riding in more severe conditions has allowed me to become more courageous in almost every area of my life. And when I feel resistance and fear I know I’ll meet myself on the road for a little chat.
Or more.
As 2016 arrives I’m excited to still be in the circle of the world. There’s hope and joy ahead as well as dark times. That’s a given. My job is to make the most of whatever rolls my way and not turn my back and run. And if I do, well, I’ll meet myself on the road ahead and have another chat.
I don’t know what’s ahead. And despite any plans I might make the days have a way of changing them. Uncertainty is as much of living as change, death and taxes. As I think of the new year and any resolutions I might have there’s just one that keeps bouncing through my head — to rage against the dying of the light.
I’m alive and walking (or riding) on the earth right now and want to keep meeting myself on the road — raging together. That’s what I want in the coming year.
To each friend and reader, to anyone who happens by this way — Best wishes for a Happy New Year in 2016!
There is an interpretation of a passage attributed to the Budda ; “The trouble is; you think you have time” I’m not a fan of any formal religions’ finger wagging to move one to thought/action , the occasional tap on the shoulder as reminder to appreciate/really live, in the present is often welcome
‘Best to you and your readership in the New Year
Be Well
Each of us needs a reminder now and again. Unfortunately I often need more than a tap on the shoulder…
Ice sculptures in PA. I’m just surprised. There is a huge ice carving competition here in a couple of months with competitors from around the world. They like the ice as it has no bubbles.
I like the statement that no matter how much we plan, life has a way of changing things. Sometimes in surprising ways both good and bad.
We used to have many more sculptures but warm weather the past few holiday seasons has lowered the number that local businesses were will to invest in. Still, it’s cool to watch them come to life.
Change…. it’s impossible to avoid.
One of my favorite quotes….
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! What a Ride!'”
Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967
Great quote. Hard to control how life will unfold though despite the best intentions. But I’ll raise my glass to that style of living!
Happy New Year to you and yours Steve!
Can’t say that I’ve met myself on the road and had a chat….I do see what’s happened to others and it sometimes puts things into perspective for me….life is what you make of it right?
Saw it somewhere: Only you are responsible for your own happiness. I try to follow that….motorcycling helps along the way.
Sorry for the slow response — the first week back at work has been intense. So, Happy New Year to you and yours as well!
I suppose we all come to know ourselves and our lives in different ways and to different degrees. And what we do with the knowledge — who knows where that goes. Just keep moving….
I’ve quit aiming for happiness and look more toward what unfolds ahead. As I pay attention and experience life — sometimes there’s happiness and other times something else. Who’s to say which is better?
Well, this resonates strongly with me at the moment: my New Year’s Day got broadsided by news of the death of a good friend – he barely made it into 2016. My evening was very unsteady – questions about how and why, how his partner is coping, how to help her. A fellow cheerful curmudgeon, he’s grimace at my breaking up over his passing, but I did anyway. I’ll find out the gruesome details later.
My near-death experience at age 16 pretty much cured me of any youthful fancies of invincibility. Which, curiously (at the time, I thought), wasn’t at all a downer – in a way, it was rather liberating: no putting on airs, simply enjoying moments and events as they came (or as I dived into them). Savoring the details without neurosis. That no time is really “wasted” time. And that, yes, the “small stuff” actually is important. This isn’t always easy, but it’s certainly vital.
I’ve actually thought some, and worried a bit, about the possibility of “sleeping through” aspects of my life. In some small ways I have. I’ve had a “lost” year or two in there. But this, among other things, added up to who I am now. Which, at this moment, I don’t feel too shabby about. Today is another day above ground. And I’m going riding.
Also: love the ice-sculpture photos. Reminds me thematically of the sand mandala in “Little Buddha.”
Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Hope you find some peace with it and find yourself left with fine memories.
Sleeping through life has long been a concern. It’s so easy to get lost in so many things from worry to sports to television and more. Watch TV an hour a day and suddenly a year goes by and you’ve watched the equivalent of almost 10 weeks of full time work. Or think about time commuting to work. Ugh…
Hope you’re getting some riding in. This week has been a bust for me. Freezing rain tonight…
Steve; your writings are becoming very philosophical!
However you know your schedule is too full when you meet yourself coming the
other way, be it at work or when riding the Vespa or anywhere else.
The other danger signal is having the answer before the question is asked be it in
your mind or elsewhere. And then discussing same between yourselves. Too many personalities spoils the experience…
It is obviously a new year for some of us; and after the experiences of the prior 12 months you are wondering “what now?”
Not as much philosophical as psychologically therapeutic. The schedule is full in more ways than I like to admit. Questioning myself is more a living process of meditation or prayer I think without the hallmarks of multiple personalities. But I’m sure to post hear if I start using multiple voices during these internal conversations!
What now? Right now, this moment, a few blog comments and then kick back with a cup of hot chocolate I navigate to Netflix. Kim and dogs are napping, the lights are low, I’ve had dinner, and I suspect I’ll be asleep in ten minutes being such an easy sleeper anytime I recline…
Happy New Year Steve!
I plan to do my best to throw you a slow curve ball. You might hit it out of the park.
Slow curve ball… I’ll keep my eyes open but I was never much of a batter.
Hmmm… Your meeting yourself on the road–and in this season–sounds a bit like the young new year seeing out the old year past. So, how does it feel to be young again? 😉
One’s mood can affect the mood of a group–we can hope that your raging is as contagious. Rage on, Steve, rage on! Those around you might begin to rage as well, and the trend may swell from there.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Funny but since my heart attack I do physically feel younger. As the cardiologist indicated I feel a lot better now that I’m getting blood. Add a better diet and exercise and things are good.
And at the same time I feel old — or perhaps I just recognize the finite nature of my existence. It’s hard not to apply mortality statistics to yourself after a heart attack. Raging on is the best course I think.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year. I wanted to stop and say I appreciate your writing and always look forward to seeing a new post. Perhaps others find it in their own way, but for me I share your feelings when riding…..anywhere.
We spend our youth measuring time since birth and the time grows; but now at a later age we measure, “until the end,” and time grows shorter. I hope people at all ages realize, “Life is short, start living now!”
Have a great day & year.
Don
Thanks Don. I appreciate your words of support.
The “until the end” thinking is kind of shocking and I don’t remember when exactly the shift happened. Probably not all at once. I remember my mother, who grew up in Germany, said all her journals from the 1920s to the early 1960s were in German. And in 1962 they were in English. She said the voice in her head started speaking in English. For her it seemed sudden but not so for me with the time view.
Regardless, life is short, and I’m living right now!