Paul Ruby with his self-described chick magnet — a 1994 Oldsmobile Cutlass station wagon, a cream puff car he purchased last year at the Carlisle Car Show. He owns a number of chick magnets by his reckoning, including a big, black Harley-Davidson, a red Ducati 1198, a ’70s vintage red Ferrari, and a ’60s vintage Vespa. He describes them in various ways, from pure mojo, chick magnet, or other “pure” terms I would rather not put in writing. All are part of a unique Rubiesque lexicon. Under intense questioning he’ll eventually admit that none, save the vintage Vespa, have ever attracted a female. He may go further in saying that the women he’s encountered, in fact, seem completely disinterested in any of these machines.

Maybe the special power resides in the white socks and black slippers.

This past Saturday, something happened to possibly alter my perception of the idea of a chick magnet. The Oldsmobile Cutlass wagon may just have those fabled powers.

Dan Leri and I stood outside Saint’s Cafe, discussing Dan’s recent mishap with his BMW RT1150. I’ll be posting that story sometime soon. As we talked, Paul trotted up with a cup of his favorite Duncan Donuts coffee in hand, smiling and thankful to be walking on the good earth. He is generally that happy.

Before Dan could continue with his story, which included how the throttle froze on the way to work, Paul suddenly interjects: “You can’t talk to me. I have a 1994 Oldsmobile Cutlass station wagon. It’s a creampuff, pure mojo, a major chick magnet!” Bam. Or so he could have added. Bam is a common way Paul punctuates his deliveries.

Just as the words pass his lips, the crash of metal meeting metal stops the conversation. Paul’s head rotates toward the sound as if mounted on some fine, German, geared system. Eyes wide, his body is already in motion towards the parking lot across the street. It takes a moment for Dan and I to comprehend the situation. A gray minivan has just plowed into Paul’s creampuff. Like many guys, well, maybe most guys, we grin, chuckle and return to the frozen throttle conversation.

Only a few minutes pass until I notice Paul, standing behind the minivan, his arms wrapped around a woman. Another few minutes pass. Dan and I part ways. I head across the street towards my Vespa and see Paul still talking with the woman. The side of the wagon is clearly wrecked, and I’ll later learn that the minivan was in far worse shape. I stifle a strong, very strong, urge to chirp “chick magnet” as I walk by.

A few hours later, Paul is on the phone asking me if I think God is trying to tell him something. He’s wondering if he’s making light of women, by thinking his possessions have some magical power over them. Does this mean he believes– they’re one-dimensional creatures drawn merely to the sparkling of worldly goods. I listen quietly as he expresses deep, spiritual concern for his actions and speech–as he questions the foundations on which his beliefs are based. His angst flows through the phone in a heavy wave of emotion. I listen until he’s drained of speech, awaiting my response.

In our front yard, a Carolina wren sings loudly for a mate. Junior stretches on the floor as my foot rubs his soft belly. Finally, I respond.

“No, none of that. It’s a chick magnet.”

What are friends for if not to rubber-stamp each others’ shit.