Exploring in Words
It’s late and I’m still searching for the spirit of Christmas. There’s no tree for it to hide under and my heart is worn and tired. Despite the twinkling lights and colorful trappings of the season, Christmas remains elusive.
Writing always helps clear away the noise that can mask the truth. A small collection of chocolate and tea fueled a pen laying ink across a journal; thoughts of life and Christmas on my mind.
On the Road on Christmas Eve
Earlier in the day I rode the Vespa through the countryside to refresh my outlook on the day. Family and friends visited the previous day for a pre-Christmas celebration — a reminder of how blessed I am. Riding in the chill air of winter reminded me of how fragile I am on every count. And that I’ve always been that way. Any complaints of age are just a different view of the same thing.
Winding Road
Riding, and lately in life, it’s been a long and winding road. On two wheels it’s rather simple to negotiate. At home it’s more challenging. In three days my wife will be consulting a neurosurgeon in hopes of finding a path back to some semblance of life that involves walking. During this time of doubt I’ve been thinking a lot about change and how resistant I can be to its demands.
Riding along on Christmas Eve I was wondering if there wasn’t a gift wrapped amidst the awful things happening now — acceptance of change as the relentless engine of living. And that whatever change comes along, my job is to accept it as a part of my life.
Snowy Night
One last look. The Vespa near midnight as a light snow falls. Another ride to look for the spirit of Christmas. It’s cold but the roads are still clear. The world is quiet. Everyone at hope awaiting St. Nick.
Lights of Christmas
Riding along empty streets as the clock approaches midnight on Christmas Eve. Lights twinkle and I’m wondering what I’m doing. Christmas is at home; with Kim and the dogs. Home is where the heart is. It lives in the heart.
I’m a slow learner for sure. Tired, worn and not thinking straight. Chasing memories of childhood holidays with Santa, toys and a carefree life. And suddenly I’m closing in on my 64th year and it’s different. Things have changed.
Home now, after midnight. It’s Christmas Day though there’s still time for the spirits to visit. The dogs are snoozing at my feet as I unwrap small, gold foil wrapped blocks of chocolate as this post draws to a close.
It’s Christmas. To each of you, as with me, it’s meaning is unique to each of us. Sometimes easy to find and understand, and at times hidden and difficult to find. But it’s there waiting to be found.
Best wishes to you for a Merry Christmas. And hopes that whatever holiday or belief you follow, you’ll find the road that suits you best.
Merry Christmas to you and you family. I hope the right answers can be found for Kim.
Thank you. All the best to you and yours for Christmas and beyond!
Le texte est beau, tu es un poète.
Un poète de le vie,
Le poète de ta vie…
Prenez soin de vous.
The text is beautiful, you are a poet.
A poet of life,
The poet of your life …
Take care of yourself.
Je vous remercie pour vos aimables paroles. Joyeux Noël!
For many of us Christmas is a milestone, perhaps even more than
a New Year’s celebration.
Your year Steve has been tumultuous, with formal retirement and
attempting to find direction.
Your dear wife Kim, still in hospital perhaps, you as loving, patient, husband
keeping an eye on the entire situation; it must be difficult at this time
of year where family is involved.
“Merry” Christmas is perhaps difficult for you and all of us.
Age is the battle ahead;
for all of us.
We your readers keep you and Kim in positive thoughts (vibes?) now and for the future.
We have had seven or eight inches of snow overnight, a white Christmas for a change.
Suspect the wheeled vehicles are under some form of cover and the two dogs curled up some where. You sir, enjoy the holiday (wait, you’re retired so you are on continuous holiday) and we shall all await our futures.
The dogs and I just came in from our morning frolic in the garden. Cold and windy though it felt good to be outside. I was sneaking a few traction tests with my boot on the snow covered street out front wondering about a Christmas morning ride.
It has been a tumultuous year for Kim and I. She’s been home for almost two weeks — in a holding pattern until a consultation with a neurosurgeon later in the week. Time will tell what sort of adventures lie ahead. The family and friends gathered here on Saturday for a Christmas celebration. Despite the situation, there’s much to be grateful.
Hope you have a fine Christmas and holiday. Best wishes from the less snow covered reaches of central Pennsylvania.
Merry Christmas, wishing you both the best in the coming year!
Thank you. And Merry Christmas to you and best wishes for a happy new year.
Merry Christmas Steve, I hope you and Kim and the pooches all the best it’s all we can do but to hope for the best. Let it come as it does and enjoy what we have and smile at the memories of all we have had and still do in our memories. Big hug from across the border. Dream of warm riding. Brent
Thank you Brent. We appreciate the positive thoughts. The day has begun in a relaxing manner. That’s something to be grateful for. Kim, the dogs and myself are a lucky group.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas Steve … Wishing you and yours nothing but the very best and I do hope you manage to squeeze in a little scoot today. Would be lovely here too but alas I’m some distance from my rides and a foot of blowing swirling snow is whizzing about. Thanks for posting under such difficult circumstances, finding your post in my mail this morning was like receiving a little Christmas morning present.
The wind is blowing hard here right now though the roads are quickly turning to wet from the salt despite the 24F temperature. Not sure what I’ll do today.
Glad my little narrative blasts have some value. They’re good for me to unravel my brain at times. Never quite sure how they may be received.
Stay warm in the blowing snow. Hope you and your family have a fine Christmas and that the holidays bring you joy.
steve
Thank you and best wishes to you and yours.
Merry Christmas Mike. All the best.
Merry Christmas to you and Kim, Steve.
Like you, my FIL who is 20 years further down the long and winding road of life, is facing the prospect of possible major changes in lifestyle and independence…..I hope both of you find not only satisfactory but happy outcomes.
dom and martha
Thanks Dom. The road is full of unexpected turns and twists. Finding satisfaction in the trip is the real challenge. All the planning and expectations of the future are exposed as futile since no one can predict what will happen. I’m glad I started to ride because it has helped ground me in today — what can I do right now. Kim has the same sensibility which helps her as well.
We’re hoping for happy outcomes but living moment to moment.
All the best to you, Martha and your family for Christmas and beyond!
Like the other Steve said, thanks for the first gift I received this Christmas!
Your writing is so much more than words on a page. My favorite book from childhood was a small hardbound called Wings For Words which took me to wonderful places each time I picked it up. Yours do the same some 60 years later, thank you Steve.
I pray that your girl and you enjoy each moment of this winter and that your your springtime bursts into bloom sooner and brighter than expected.
Thank you Will for your kind words of support. Kim and I both hope spring burst forth brighter and in unexpected ways.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. All the best through the holiday and beyond.
Steve,
Very best wishes from Annapolis. Emily (PSU 07), Amy (PSU 12), Gail and I hope that 2018 brings much improved health for your wife and plenty of winding roads for you and the Vespa.
Merry Christmas.
Rusty
Thanks Rusty. Give my best to you and the girls for Christmas and the new year ahead.
I’m not sailing anymore but one day hope to look at the boats again in Annapolis. It’s been awhile though. Last time I was there — pre-911 — I was able to board a fast attack submarine moored out in the bay. The USS Hartford. Don’t think they offer those sorts of public access tours anymore.
steve
Good morning Steve and a Blessed Christmas Holy Day.
The true spirit of Christmas is found Jesus the Christ who was born for you and for me — to bring to us Eternal Life through our belief in Him as our Savior and Lord.
As I retired from my secular job a year ago, I continue to pray that God will help me to grow old gracefully. I pray that He will help you to do the same in the New Year.
Thank you for all of your postings. I enjoy reading all of them.
Karl
Thank you Karl for your prayers. I don’t know what God has in store for us. I pray we have the courage and strength to accept whatever comes along.
Best wishes to you and your family for Christmas and beyond.
Steve,
Best of luck to you and Kim (and the dogs) during these holidays and into the new year. You’ve had s huge number of challenges in 2017 that you have handled with grace and humility. Your writing continues to point out the beauty and frailty of everyone’s lives. I hope Kim finds a path to full recovery in the weeks ahead.
All the Best,
Dave
Thank you Dave for your kind words of support. It’s been a challenge for sure but one made easier by the support we receive — virtual and in person.
Best wishes to you and your family through the holidays and as a new year unfolds.
Your post echoes some of my own feelings, thought the situations differ. This time of year can be overwhelming when things are so out of context with Christmas postcard.
My best to you and yours and may 2018 bring health and happiness.
Paige
I understand. Over the years our family has worked to simplify the holidays but it remains a rather intense time for some reason. Perhaps life in general is overcomplicated and is just magnified at this time of year. Something to work on I guess.
Thanks for commenting and best wishes for a great new year.
As others have stated in their comments, receiving and reading your post on this day was a gift in itself. Merry Christmas Steve.
Thank you Steel. Best wishes for the coming new year.
Best wishes and Christmas salutations from the (currently dry and sunny) Jersey shore. very happy to hear Kim is home with you and the pups.
I’ve been under the weather the last few days, so the household refrain has become “I’ll Be Staying Home for Christmas.” Wasn’t supposed to go that way – was planning to spread some holiday cheer with friends of Le Wife up in Gotham. That’s on hold till tomorrow when I’m (hopefully) better. But convalescing drove home two things you wrote here: an deep appreciation for the life you have and those closest to you sharing it, and the realization that, even though we’re older and perhaps a bit less hale ‘n hearty than we used to be, fragility, however relative, has always been our companion.
Here’s to a great day for you all!
I hope you’re recovering and able to enjoy what remains of this holiday season. There’s a lot to be said for staying home at Christmas. As far as I can remember, my parents always had Christmas at their house. Always wonder how some people become the holiday magnets where others are drawn.
Other than the frigid temperatures here all is well. I’ll settle for that.
Hi, Steve,
Hope you’ve had a good Christmas, and that you and your wife will find some peace in the new year.
It was a relaxing day with some unexpected brightness. Can’t ask for more than that right now.
Best wishes to you and yours for a fine new year.
Thank you Steve, for another excellent and brave post.
I’ve become quite a fan since I stumbled across your blog, and appreciate it each time you post.
Christmas. Where is it…I think you’ve found a good deal of it in the family and all the traditional trappings. It is also; I think, a time for introspection and reflection and a deep consideration of just why the Charlie Brown Christmas Special endures. In Linus veritas.
My wife just asked me what I was doing. I told her I was still trying to find a way to post something to my friend Steve that I’ve never met, likely will never meet, and that doesn’t know he’s my friend. She did the wise thing that 20 some odd years experience will teach you to do, shake her head, walk away and mutter “you get crazier every day”. She’s right of course.
I’m 63. I work for a Big 10 University. I had a heart attack now 10 years in the rear view mirror. I ride a motorcycle, starting again just last April after an 18 year layoff. So there are some things there…
I sincerely hope and pray for a good outcome for your wife’s health. And that you will keep on keeping on with…well, as my dad used to say, “You know, you’re just as happy as if you had good sense.” I’ve kind of lived by that.
So there. There’s that.
I really like how you “make pictures” as opposed to “take photos”.
Merry Christmas.
You should probably go to bed now.
The Charlie Brown Christmas Special is an enduring piece of work. It is one of the few programs I have on DVD and watch it a few times every year as Christmas approaches. There’s something peaceful and reassuring about it. As a cartoon I always think about it as something for kids. Until I watch it.
Sounds as if your experience runs a similar path to my own. While circumstance may be familiar I suppose the choices we make can be wildly different. And even when they’re not the outcomes can range widely due to so many things. But despite those potential differences I find it comforting to know I’m not the only one experiencing something.
Heart attack — only 2.5 years in the rear view mirror for me. While not as large in my mind as it once was it’s still there and any odd pain or fatigue can get me wondering. Has that changed for you?
I think my wife has made peace with the fact that I engage with people to some degree online. At least here on Scooter in the Sticks. But she shakes her head from time to time I’m sure.
Making photographs. Somewhere along the line the way I talk about the process changed. Not sure if it was in art school or somewhere else. But I realized I was investing more of myself in them than I realized. Add to the the deliberate manipulation of a scene by composition, camera angle, etc, was getting further and further away from the taking of a photo.
Anyways, it is late now and I still want to write a post. May just fall asleep though. The house is quiet and I can feel my eyes getting heavy. One thing is sure though — I’m not going for a ride now. It’s way too cold for that nonsense…
Hope you have a fine Christmas and best wishes for the coming New Year.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. I wish only the best for you and Kim and that things improve health wise.
Thanks Richard. We’re trying to be positive about the situation and what the future brings.
Merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year. Stay warm!
A tradition of mine is to head out Christmas Eve mornings to my local Boudin Bakery (Northern California) and pick up a few loaves of fresh baked, and still warm San Francisco sourdough bread. Nothing like fresh Boudin sourdough smeared with butter, to go with a dinner of cracked Dungeness crab, and oh, a bottle or two of fine Chardonnay. Heaven. Oh, I should add I’ve always made that run in a toasty sedan, with my seat warmer on.
However, this year, and because of your winter riding inspiration, Steve, I decided to brave the chilled morning air and Vespa to the bakery. Woowsie, was I cold! – and at only around 40 degrees F. I thought to myself during my entire ride, ‘I’m a wimp, and Steve does this on a regular basis in the low teens!’ Hadn’t it been for my full face modular helmet, down jacket, lined leather gloves and short fly Screen, I would have been miserable. That said, I actually had a blast and felt so damn “hip” showing up in my Vespa to a line of other bread lovers waiting to get inside the warm and deliciously fragrant bakery. The parking was easy too, pulling right up to the the bakery’s bike rack area, all while other late comers motored around and around, searching for an open parking spot.
If I were to ride more often during early mornings, I’d seriously consider replacing my short Vespa fly screen with the dorky (my opinion), but very effective full screen and keep that frigid wind chill off of me. Steve, with all of the winter riding you do, is there a reason why you still use your short fly screen and not the full screen (perhaps cut to proper viewing height)?
As a side note, the fresh and warm sourdough bread arrived to my home still very warm – transported in the Pet Carrier. My wife was impressed.
From now on, my traditional Christmas Eve morning runs to Boudin Bakery will be made on my Vespa. I guess Scooter in the Sticks inspires me, and for that I am grateful for your gift to this community.
My very best to you and Kim for the coming new year. May it amaze you!
Cheers.
There is a certain satisfaction of showing up on the Vespa in winter when everyone else has emerged from an automobile. Like a character from a Jack London story. I wish we had a bakery like the one you describe to visit on a regular basis. Just thinking about it has me craving some crusty bread fresh from the over. Nothing in the kitchen right now though.
The short flyscreen on my Vespa keeps the wind off my stomach and chest. A full screen would be better but like you I think they look weird. So I haven’t gone down that road. Yet.
Be careful in the cold. Even above freezing. Traction is less and people pay even less attention for scooters and motorcycles in winter.
Thank you for the supportive words and for sharing here. Hope you and your family have a great New Year!